We are not born with a set of positive social behaviours. Children learn how to behave in groups. What is considered acceptable and expected behaviour is learned by modelling, practice and through explicit teaching by parents, teachers, tutors and other significant adults. Parents and educators have an important role in guiding children’s behaviour in social and physical environments, to ensure safety and the development of good social relationships. Parents, tutors and teachers can do this through a range of strategies.
Guiding children’s behaviour in social environments
Children learn from what they see. Children who are in families that play and learn in an environment where positive social relationships are modelled, are less likely to display inappropriate behaviours. Positive relationships are also developed when children are explicitly taught, and have opportunities to practice and know how to use language that empowers them. Such language is not hurtful toward others and enables a child to communicate their emotions in a proactive way. Being empowered in this way encourages resolution and reduces conflict at school and at home.
Giving children opportunities to develop empathy is also key to positive relationships. While some children will be innately empathetic, making the assumption that all children will is false. Children need to be guided through a process so that they can see what it might be like to be in another person’s position, discuss how that might make them feel and tease out those emotions. Then it’s important for parents, teachers and tutors to discuss what a child’s response should be and practice possible strategies they could use to show empathy. This could include asking someone if they are ok, putting their arm around someone to give comfort, their body language and facial expression should show kindness and compassion.
Providing age-appropriate boundaries that are clear and reasonable is also important in social environments. Limits also need to be clearly communicated, explaining why they are necessary to children. It is also useful to have them written down in the classroom, stuck in the front of their tutoring book or on the fridge at home, so they can be easily referred to and reinforced regularly. Depending on the age of the child/children discussing the limits with your children gives them a sense of ownership. Children might get a say in some part of the boundaries that are being set. Discussing rules and limits, and what is fair, with children, along with using their contributions in setting limits and guidelines almost puts you in partnership and agreement with the children. Limits that are reasonable and include some element of negotiation, with older children in your care creates a sense of ownership and belonging. This sense of belonging and involvement in the process ensures the greatest possibility of children knowing what is expected and following the limits set. When children can follow limits set at school, home or during tutoring, they will be able to socially interact in a positive way through respect for those around them in social situations.
Validating a child’s emotions is also important in a social environment. Children can feel sad, angry, frustrated, and any number of other emotions. Acknowledging their emotions, showing understanding and being supportive results in a child feeling validated and listened to. Dismissing emotions and telling them they should not be angry or frustrated or sad disregards their feelings. Rather, helping children develop a sense of social responsibility, so that they become aware of the results of their responses on others. Learning how to channel and communicate their emotions in ways that are not harmful to others emotionally and physically is a process that begins from the toddler years. Being able to manage emotions in a social environment is integral in developing positive social relationships.
Guiding children’s behaviour in the physical environment
Children need space to physically move and interact with each other. Guiding children’s behaviour in the physical environment relies on there being enough space overall so that children have choices about being together. This is the case at all ages and in all situations. Not having enough space creates frustration and conflict amongst children of all ages. This can be achieved by limiting the number of children in certain areas such as the playground, library areas and school canteen. This might be reflected in the home situation with the number of children and types of activities that are allowed to take place in bedrooms. In the tutoring situation, just having a comfortable space where the tutor and child have appropriate distance and space to work facilitates productive working time. In most cases it will take the supervising teachers, parents and tutors to arrange the environment so that there is easy movement within and between areas.
Physical activity and fresh air in their very essence is vital to reducing challenging behaviours for many children. Children who are engaged and active are less likely to display challenging behaviours.
The physical environment needs to provide developmentally appropriate materials and equipment so that children do not become bored or frustrated, which is likely to result in challenging behaviour. This can be organised in many ways. Some schools have increased their number of breaks during the school day to increase movement and opportunities for outdoor play of children and research has found that this increases attention and focus with teachers seeing greater effectiveness of teaching as a result. In an English tutoring situation, for example, the session might need to be broken up into 10 minute intervals, where a student does a pen and paper activity for 10 minutes, then a movement activity for ten minutes, then the next 10 minutes requires the English tutor walking outside to read a text or do their spelling drills. This is very useful for active students who are struggling with their reading but need to regularly move to maintain focus on their English tutoring session.
It seems self-evident that teachers and tutors need to provide variety and age-appropriate equipment and materials for their students. Being explicit about organising activities that are game based, movement based and structured around regular change, creates interest in children. Reducing boredom and frustration by allowing children to engage with physical materials and incorporating plenty of opportunities for being in the outdoor environment stimulates children. Setting up the classroom and outside environment so that children can engage according to their abilities and interests is a way of guiding behaviour. Nothing generates frustration and mischievous behaviour more than boredom. As a result teachers, tutors and parents need to ensure there is enough equipment and materials for the number of children present. There does, however, need to be a balance in this case. In environments where change is occurring frequently, and routines are not followed this can impact on children’s sense of security.
When teachers, parents and tutors model correct use and expected care of equipment and materials, it teaches children how to care and take responsibility for the things in their environment at home and at school. This can be as easy as an English tutor giving a student a bookmark to use with their English text so that they are not bending and breaking the spine of the book. Teachers may also demonstrate and discuss the rules of how to use or play a game, such as handball, so that students get to engage safely and without conflict.
Children in the physical environment need opportunities for independent and solitary play. Setting up environments that give children choices about working and playing alone, with one or two other children, or being part of a larger group that supports engagement and concentration. An English tutor during literacy lessons can use an online platform to give students the choice to interact with others in a game-based literacy activity. For older students, the same English tutor can set an assessment that gives students the choice of working independently or working in a group.
Teachers could also give students the choice to work outside or inside to complete set tasks. In this case clear boundaries and supervision would be needed and it may be necessary to work with another teacher to ensure the duty of care in supervision is possible as multiple venues are being used to complete a set task.
Guiding children’s behaviour through program structure
In planning the educational, recreational or numeracy and literacy tutoring program for children, there are a number of considerations including;
Not rushing children and building transitions and routines around this principle. This could include a routine of countdown allowing children to finish, stop, pack up and move to another space or activity without pressure. A routine such as this that is explicitly taught, practiced and regularly used during the day, or during a tutoring lesson, alleviates anxiety for children who find change difficult.
Build in the ability to be a bit flexible. For children who are operating outside mainstream this can be very important. For example, gifted or high potential students might need to borrow extra books from the library, or borrow from an older section in the library, or need to spend extra time training if they are an elite athlete. In these cases flexibility is essential. But for children who are in the mainstream, flexibility could include simple things such as drink breaks, movement breaks or children being allowed to eat when they are hungry.
Allow children to make choices. This obviously needs to be age appropriate. For example younger children might have the choice between 3 set activities, while older children might have a choice about 3 literacy tasks during their English tutoring session.
Organise the day, lesson or tutoring session into chunks of time. For younger children this might be 10 minute chunks within an English tutoring session, while for older children 50 minute lessons during a school day might be suitable.
During tutoring, at home or at school, it is important that children can call upon a range of behaviour management strategies that they can use in different situations they might face throughout the day. Strategies being taught explicitly by adults need to be applied consistently and regularly with the desired result being that children rely less on the adults around them reinforcing the routine or strategy and more on the development of their own self-control as they grow to understand what acceptable behaviour is in a range of social situations. Developing behaviour guidance strategies might be assisted by;
Developing positive relationships as a good rapport with a child is essential for them feeling safe around you as an adult. It also contributes to the development of their sense of self-respect and worth.
Observe children you are working with to identify what might activate undesirable behaviour. This might include painting a picture of the child and the environments that you see where their self-control is challenged. Identifying triggers is key here.
Catch children showing positive social behaviour and adopt a range of positive responses including verbal praise, physical encouragement with stickers and charts, redirection, explanation, calming strategies and collaboration with key staff to create a consistent approach.
Consistency is crucial in both approach to challenging behaviour and established routines at home, in the classroom and during tutoring. This creates predictability and reduces anxiety.
Involve all important adults in routines. This might include working with the family of individual children, putting out a newsletter to encourage parents to use the same routines or working with coaches and extracurricular groups to assist individual children with challenging behaviours.
If there are children who are still experiencing challenging behaviour despite the use of all of your established routines and strategies, then seek help from other experienced staff or professionals during class and tutoring. This could include the school counsellor and other agencies outside the school system. Establishing a diagnosis can be the key to developing strategies that work for a given child.
Know the children you are working with. Sometimes it’s important to talk to staff who have taught or tutored a specific child before to see what they know works with them. Having a conference with parents and other key professionals that have worked with a group or individual can bring to light really important information that helps you to identify strengths and be able to build on them.
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